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“High as Fuck” by Jon Lajoie

I thought I hit gold this morning when I found a video of “Hillary Fart[ing] During Debate“. But literally the first person I messaged smacked me down by showing me a far funnier video. File this one under “Music” anyway.

Read more for the lyrics.

“High as Fuck” by Jon Lajoie

Have you ever watched the sun go down /
And you’re thinkin’ bout the world spinning round
Have you ever been high as fuck?
You’re in the bathroom mirror talkin to your self /
And your dog’s looking at you like you need help
Have you ever been high as fuck?

Then you feel your heart bumping really fast /
And you’re convinced that you’re gonna have a heart attack
Have you ever been high as fuck?

You close your eyes and you’re on a chicken farm
The only problem is that the chickens have human arms
You say that’s fucked up, why do the chickens have human arms?

You need snacks so you walk to the corner store
But you’re scared because you think that they will know you’re high
So you walk around the block to buy some time

Finally you decide to go in the store /
But you’re so high you don’t know why you’re there anymore
So you just buy a pack of gum and get the hell out of there

You’re walking home and your mouth is dry
Should have bought some juice and snacks but you were too high
Thinking ’bout ketchup chips
And for some reason the game Battleship

I started thinking about how fun it was to play games like Battleship when we were a kid
And then how as we get older we forget how to play and just to enjoy ourselves
So you say: guess what I’m gonna make up a game right now
And it involves a baseball bat and a porcuipine
And I’m gonna try and kill a porcupine with a baseball bat
But then you don’t know where to find the porcupine
So you go on eBay and do a search but people don’t sell porcupines on the Internet
And you say, “you know what world, you got me cornered again, I’m gonna roll another joint”.

Ever eat a whole bag of crackers /
That were so old that they weren’t crispy anymore
Have you ever been high as fuck?

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